Katy's Thoughts
There is a “potential dissonance between the view that we hold of ourselves and the views that others hold. In the absence of self-respect, this dissonance becomes so jarring that only the distorted views of others matter.”(155) This chapter served as sort of a reminder to me that appearance is not everything and that we can not make assumptions about our students based on what we think we know. I found it amazing but I guess not all that uncommon that a man with so much success and acclamation would feel unworthy at times. The only way to really know them is to establish the trust needed to build a relationship and once we have established that trust we can help with self respect. I wonder how often our students feel the pressure to keep up with the family legacy of achievement to earn the respect of their parents.
David seems so down to earth in his teaching at Harvard Law that it is easy to see why the students love him. His ability to be a great teacher seems to come from his ability to put himself in their shoes. He has high expectations for his students but they strive to meet them because he makes an effort to get to know them through weekly lunches which provide individual attention. He makes himself vulnerable by offering to answer any question they are curious about while requesting that they keep the information between them. Through this willingness to be so open he communicates respect for them. I like how David works from within the system to challenge the hierarchy of Harvard. He makes an effort to help the students learn and avoids humiliating them. He strives to give them the ability to think for themselves and affirms their backgrounds by telling them they will need to be open to new ways of thinking while relying on their past experience and skills.
On a completely different note, I was intrigued that the law school at Harvard is so strikingly different in terms of resources from the school of education. Lawrence-Lightfoot tells us that education is one of the poorer school and her office is much smaller than David’s and has hand me down furniture. I thought immediately about our class discussion in terms of the field of education is viewed. Is it frequent that the college of education does not have the resources of other colleges? I am sure the inequity at Harvard is mostly to do with donations to the colleges and teachers do not have the same resources as Harvard Law graduates.
The conversation about stereotypes was also interesting in that racism and sexism occur no matter what setting you are working in within the field of education. I am still shocked to read about students being disrespectful of teachers and why they feel they have that right. It amazes me that students would challenge their professors and that they would feel the need to employ the formalities to protect them. I would have NEVER thought about challenging a professor. I always assumed that they knew more about me and listened respectfully even if I disagreed with them. I guess that was the way I was raised and maybe even has to do with my mom being an educator. I also found it interesting in that same discussion that David thought gender to be a bigger issue than race. Both David and Lawrence-Lightfoot agree that they are seen as “token” hires and seem to always feel that they have more to prove than white professors. I also thought a lot about his difficulty with identifying with black kids and seeing himself as white because of growing up in a white area and attending private school. He had to make a conscious effort to make the “transformation to blackness.”
Katy, I wonder about the discrepancy in schools by asking myself about fundraising. When you leave Harvard Law School, many people go on to work in corporate jobs where their companies match any funds that they may donate to their alma mater. When you work in Education, your giving capabilities will always be limited. There will never be any matching programs within education because of how we are funded. I wonder if that is where some of the divide appears within these schools. I also think about when you are talking about students and their lack of respect. I often wonder about children who are brought up thinking they can do no wrong. Then are these children extra critical of others? I wonder if some of the students who show disrespect to the Professor are the ones with "a silver spoon in their mouths?" I don't know, that may be generalizing a little too much. But, those students definitely seem to take their situation for granted. I would think there would be a sense of priviledge. David refers to that, but some students I guess miss the humility that should come from an honor like being accepted and attending Harvard Law School. Jacqueline
Teresa's Musings
http://www.law.yale.edu/news/6116.htm This is the "mother lode", Be sure to click on the "Watch the Video of David Wilkins" situated in the center of the page. This is like being in the room with Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot when she was sitting in the back of the lecture hall with the girl who was unprepared and hoping not to be called on. Please note what the introductory speaker says about his clothing, taste in wine, etc. If you move the little round dot about a quarter of an inch to the right you will see Mr. Wilkins just before he dims the lights for his lecture. It is interesting to see his mannerisms and hear his voice. He is very relaxed. You would not get the impression that he has ever been unsure of himself. If you move the little round dot about a half-inch from the end you will hear him reference his mother, and how family expectations play into the success of Black law students. Just move the little dot along and get some insight into this very educated person. It just makes the chapter come alive.
After finding out so much about David Wilkins, the subject of this chapter, I cannot even imagine why he would ever have self-doubts. He is blessed with so much in his life, wealth, power, position, family history, respect from colleagues, and with his impeccable taste he even masters the 'cool' factor. I did, however, make a connection. He talks about his family history - his mother's depression and his father's inability to pursue what was important in his life. His father, though brilliant in his academic study of law, was never able to 'be himself' and plunged into depression as well. The story resonated with me. I thought many times through the years that I don't know who I really am. I have lived so long trying to satisfy my mother's dreams that I don't know what I really would have done with my life. I was the second in my family to go to college (a boy cousin was first). It had always been my mother's dream to go to school. She didn't have the opportunity and pushed us to excell. It was important that someone 'rise above', that someone 'lead the way'. The pressure to be successful was incredible. I saw that portrayed as Mr. Wilkins described his struggle in his own and his family's lives. While I will never attain the level of academia and power that he has I understand his story. The self-doubt, the ever present self judgment, the fear of being found out as a fake no matter how hard you work or study is a horrible burden. I found two quotes to be personally freeing. They are found on p. 154. "To have that sense of one's own intrinsic worth which constitutes self-respect is potentially to have everything," and "To assign unanswered letters their proper weight, to free us from the expectations of others, to give back to ourselves-there lies the great, the singular power of self-respect."
Teresa, my husband was the first to graduate from college in his family and I think he still strugggles with some of those same feelings. He has a drive like no-one I have ever known. It is like he is still trying to prove himself as worthy of respect of those around him. It is hard sometimes to be a third person in that situation. You watch someone strive for respect by trying to accomplish a certain task. However, you know, as a third person, that respect doesn't come from the task itself, but how the person proceeds in the process of achieving that task. Jacqueline
Jacqueline's Thoughts
It is really hard to come to the board and not read what you write until after I have written what I thought after my reading. It is so interesting to see successful people with self-doubt. To me, that makes them more human. I would be really curious about David's dad in relation to birth order. There were things about his dad and how critical the family had been generation after generation that makes me wonder if some of that self-doubt and possibly some depression could be genetic. There have been so many things in this chapter that I was able to relate to my life. I don't think there has been a chapter yet that I haven't identified with in some way. Maybe that is good. And maybe it goes back to being a pleaser that David refers to on page 181. I'll get to that in a minute. I wrote down a couple of words and page numbers to help me as I share my thoughts. The words that stuck out to me in this chapter are: worth, diligence, pleaser, grades, and being critical. Let's start out with some thoughts that David shares about worth.
Dr. Lawrence-Lightfoot explains, "David works to create a classroom environment that is safe and comfortable; that allows students both to learn strategies of survival and know that their success or failure is not a true measure of their worth (157)." As I reflected on my own life, I felt pretty good about most of my teachers. I truly think that the teachers tried to make sure that I knew that my worth was not based on success or failure. However, I too, at times struggle with that idea. I have always been very concerned about what others thought of me. I think it goes back to a stereotype that my mother gave me early on that I have struggled to find acceptance with. I was a strong-willed child growing up. I'm sure that doesn't surprise anyone. However, I was made to feel that this was a bad thing. There are times when I still feel that today. I told my mother that my husband and I were fussing a little bit on Friday. Her comment back to me was "Why don't you quit picking on him?" I have always felt that I wasn't quite good enough. My mother always seemed to compare my intelligence with that of my sisters. So, I turned to the acceptance of others to provide the necessary encouragement that I needed. I needed to know that I wasn't weird. I needed to know that my stubborn personality was a normal thing in most families. It sounds as though David didn't have a blatant issue like that with either of his parents. He just lacked self-confidence. I do think that the critical nature and self-doubt can be genetic to a certain extent. But, I think your parents can help or hinder how you deal with those innate tendencies. I think David's parents didn't really work in one direction or another.
The next idea that David wrote about that I can relate to is diligence. On page 175, he talks about the uncertainty he had at being a good scholar. He knew that he would be a good teacher, but a scholar? Listen as he explains, "I always thought it was not because I had great ideas; not because I was particularly creative or gifted. I thought my success was the result of my diligence. I knew how to persevere; how to accomplish the work." Now, this idea that I still believe is true for me came from a family friend. When I was in the eighth grade, we were having the discussion about whether to take algebra in the eighth grade or not. This friend, an economics professor at the U of Alabama, was trying to convince me that I could take the course. He said that his family wasn't the smartest. They just worked hard. They studied hard and it always paid off. Mom didn't think it was a good idea, so I waited instead. But, I have always remembered that conversation. It is about who can work the hardest. Sometimes, it may take a little longer. But, anyone can do anything with diligence.
Next is the idea of pleasing others. David says, "I like my father always have this feeling that I have to please others. He goes on to say, "[He] finds things in people that will support and validate me (181)." Now, if that wasn't a mirror being put in front of my face, I don't know what was. I do that! I find characteristics in others that I value and speak about them as positive hoping that I have those same qualities and that make me worthwhile as a person. Again, I do think it oes back to who you feel unconditionally accepts you. It is something that you can do if at some point in time, you have received...I use to receive it from my father. But, now that he is not around to help me cut myself some slack, those doubts come creeping back in a lot faster and easier.
The last idea that I found important was found on page 182 about grades. David says, "The most important thing I want you to know is that the grade you get doesn't change the way I feel about you or the way you should feel about yourself. After all, this exam is just measuring one kind of thing, one narrow aspect of your intelligence." I go back to the beginning of this program. I remember expressing doubt about my success based on my GRE scores. I wasn't sure whether I would measure up or that I could participate intelligently. I think that is why I speak out so much. I am thinking out loud. I'm not sure whether my ideas are right or not, so I look to my other colleagues in the class for affirmation. It is a little bit depressing. I hope that there will come a time when I don't have as many self-doubts. And I guess that it already has. I am pretty secure in who I am as a person and what I am doing in my life. But, when it comes to my intelligence, I think I will always remember that my mom said that my sisters were smarter than me and in my mind that means I'm not smart. I hope this isn't a battle that I fight with all my life.
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