Katy's Thoughts
I am really enjoying reading this book and I find it very uplifting. I always enjoy reading about the human spirit and people who find fulfill how that is manifested in our lives and work. On first glance I liked Jennifer; she welcomed the author with a broad smile and a huge hug which created a sense of comfort and sincerity. The office was designed to make patients comfortable as if they were at home and the expensive furniture that everyone thought she was crazy to buy adds to the atmosphere of respect and confidence in her patients. With that action, Jennifer sets the tone for the relationship and creates a feeling of worthiness in the women that she serves. In addition, the secretary had a “friendly voice” and that she communicated with families in their native tongue as needed. The educational sessions benefit the children through increasing parent awareness. The results of the respect Jennifer gives the patients are described by the patients with words like “confident, everyone cares, always nice, safe, kindness, respect, welcome, gives knowledge, trust, dignity, glad to see me” and “they treat me like a queen.” Through her actions, Jennifer puts the patient in the driver’s seat of their care. She knows when to gently push more information and when to back off in deference to the mothers wishes.
The author notes that “each encounter feels very different.” Each mother gets individual care and attention specific to their needs. As educators, we strive to do the same for all of our students. They should be treated as individuals with unique learning styles, educational and emotional needs. If we look at all of our students and realize our focus is them, that idea will drive our practice and they will respond to that. When communicating, Jennifer faces mothers directly, makes eye contact and strokes the mother’s arms as they talk. My first thought is that would be uncomfortable for me and perhaps for others who were not brought up in a culture that sees these forms of contact as accepted. We should keep in mind that people may respond differently to the same gestures of respect. The thing that struck me in all of Jennifer’s conversations was that she was talking with and not down to the mothers and as a result was validating their culture. She listens as they talk and affirms concerns while giving some insight in a respectful manner. The compliments she gives are very individualized and meaningful (i.e. You are such a great spirit, a very special mom.)
I related to Jennifer on a personal level when she talked about growing up and being determined to win her fathers love by proving how smart she was. My dad never finished college which left a major void and I think he sees some of his dreams for himself coming true for me. My continuing education is a source of pride for him and he has said many times that I should get a doctorate because no one in our family has done that yet. I aspire, like Jennifer, to live “by the measure of how much I could help someone else” which drove our career choices and contributes to overdoing it at times. I can easily get too attached to my students and it is hard to leave that at school. Before I had a family, I would spend so much time thinking about how I could help certain kids that I spent time and money coming up with ways to do it. It also made me think of the movie Freedom Writers and how that young teacher gave so much of herself to the kids that it spent her financially and personally to the point that she lost her husband. That kind of dedication is very common trait in teachers and we must find ways to have a balance. I found it interesting that Jennifer struggles with the same things and speaks of respecting the pain but not taking it in because that will make her paralyzed and powerless. This sentiment is so similar to Freire’s second letter in which he speaks against allowing ourselves to be paralyzed by our fear.
It was also that Jennifer’s career was a manifestation of her political goals. I was thinking about that in terms if Freire’s letters and our discussions with Rhina about how teaching is political. Part of the reason that I love my job is because, like Jennifer, I am constantly “challenged intellectually, politically and emotionally.” I loved the idea of compassionate caring. She says,” I can listen but people are responsible for their own lives.” Similarly, we can want something so much for our students but we can not make them want the same thing for themselves. We have to show them how what we want can help them. There is much truth to the statement, “ People get to me….If I get too mechanical, I will have lost it.” I have seen many teachers who seem to have lost the spark for teaching and once that happens, we have nothing to offer the kids.
Teresa's Musings
I was intrigued with the title of this book because there is a poster that is prominently displayed in the front hall of my school that reads "RESPECT, you have to earn it." Everytime I see it, my blood boils. It is my opinion that respect shouldn't have to be earned. It should be given. Otherwise, who determines what respect is, and what is it you have to do to earn it? It becomes subjective and therefore nobody can ever truly achieve it. It is also my opinion that if people practice the caring and concern that respect implies then the world would be more peaceful.
Being the Baby-Boomer that I am, I did just what the author says in her introduction. I immediately started singing, R-E-S-P-E-C-T. I dare say Aretha Franklin never knew the impact she would have on a whole generation. As I read further into the introduction, my opinion was rewarded as Ms. Lawrence-Lightfoot describes her father, Charles. "Charles had a natural air of authority about him...It was much later that I realized dad's secret. He gained respect by giving it."(p. 4) This was enough to make me buy the book and read further.
And now for my comments on chapter 1, Empowerment. Katy, you give a very clear description of Jennifer Dohrn, the nurse/midwife, who created the Childbearing Center in the South Bronx, New York. As I read your comments, Katy, you said that "they should be treated as individuals with unique learning styles, educational and emotional needs." I think that our lives as teachers would be much more productive if we could keep this in mind. It makes me think of the paragraph on page 274 of chapter 7 in Oakes and Lipton. "Critical pedagogy asks the teacher to remove himself or herself from the role of oppressor-- however benevolent. Brazilian educational theorist Paulo Freire, for example, argued that students must never be manipulated or controlled. And perhaps the most pernicious form of control is in using one's power (authority, charisma, language, etc.) to cause students or their parents to think that they have made unimpeded choices on their own behalf. Rather, critical pedagogues involve students in a constant dialogue that allows students to examine their experiences and act to improve the conditions of their lives--in school and out." As you quote Dohrn, "...people are responsible for their own lives."
Dohrn had expectations and boundaries for her birthing center. She loved and respected those who came for services, but she also asked them to observe her "one rule," that of not allowing children to destroy her waiting room furniture. As a result of those expectations, she commanded respect without being authoritarian. They knew she had gone to a lot of effort to make life more comfortable for them. This is a theme that resonates throughout this chapter. "This is a place", says one"where everyone cares; where they are always nice to you; where you feel safe."(p.21)
Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot used such descriptive language to describe people, events, and places in this chapter. Dohrn lives that language as she strives to empower the women and families who take advantage of her services. We have discussed the importance of culture in our class, Dohrn helps us to understand the importance of this as "she urges the women to talk to family elders about cultural practices or rituals that might help the mother and baby feel embraced by the history and roots of their community. Again, Jennifer rehearses the familiar words to the mother, "This is your experience. It should be connected to you and your family's culture. There is a lot of family building in the birth."(p30) This is just one example of respect through empowerment.
Jacqueline's Response to Teresa: Thanks Teresa for including the web sites about Jennifer Dohrn in more recent times. It amazes me. She is like the Energizer Bunny, she just keeps going and going and going. I find it amazing to see people who work towards a mission and then can find the drive to move on to another... I know she must get discouraged at times when the progress is slow. What do you think keeps her going? She must have had a lot of people encourage her along the way. She must find the positives that happen along the way to keep her motivated...What are your thoughts?
Teresa's Response to Jacqueline
You asked what I think keeps her going. I found a quote from her Auguust 12, 2007 blog entry. She said, "My family and friends give me amazing support to be here." My personal feeling is that she has made many friends in places that count, that she knows how to work the system whereever she is, and that she makes those she works with believe that they are blessed to know her, because she makes them feel that she is blessed to know them. (What is that called? Respect?) She provides information, knowledge(teaching) that is absolutely necessary to people in need, and she is willing to go to places that most ordinary people are not willing to go. Afterall, how many people do you hear volunteering to work with HIV patients? Only those who are most dedicated to their work and to others. I'm glad you enjoyed seeing the "rest of the story" too.
Jacqueline's Thoughts
The first thing I thought about what how wise Jennifer was, even in the face of adversity. And then, I saw that Jennifer graduated from the same high school as my Mom! I then thought about the common themes that these two women shared. My mom grew up in the same area, and had some challenges to overcome during her childhood. My maternal grandmother spent most of my mom's life institutionalized for what we now know as bi-polar disorder. So, my mom, the oldest of four grew up rather quickly to help her father raise the family. I think about how loving and encouraging she was to us as children and I think that she learned that from her community. Her father, like Jennifer's was very proud, however, wasn't a very affectionate man. He worked hard to provide for the family and counted on my mom to handle as much as she could at home. However, my mom's family had the support of the community for the majority of her childhood. Over the years, I have seen a quiet strength and respect that she shows for all people that I saw in Jennifer. My mom always treated everyone how she wanted to be treated. She never overstepped her boundaries, she was just a quiet, constant prescence for those that needed her. I think that Jennifer showed some of those same qualities. She always tried to invite the father to take a more active role in the birth of the children. But, she had to walk a fine line so as not to offend the father's but encourage them.
One thing that I noticed that Jennifer did, that my mom is good at doing is holding people accountable. She was clear about the one rule for her waiting room, which no one seemed to abuse. She gave the patients' the ability to understand their own charts. However, she continued throughout the pregnancies to ask the mothers' about how they wanted their deliveries to go. What were the dreams for this child? I think that this is a wonderful expectation to have for all. Many people haven't given respect, because they haven't been shown respect. When Jennifer shows these women the respect that they have been longing for, and waiting for, they now have the self-confidence to rise to a new level of living. They do this for the sake of their child and for their families. I think this was also a lesson that my mom shared. She always held me accountable to the committments that I made. If I said that I was going to take dance, then I couldn't commit to anything else until that committment was complete. If I stayed home from school because I was sick, under no circumstances would I attend any extra-curriculuar activities. When someone respects you enough to let you make those decisions, you become a lot more respctful of the choice itself.
I will say that I have found that there are times where it is hard. I have married into a family with a very different background than my own. I entered into the relationship in a very respectful manner. However, because I hadn't lived the life that my husband's family lived, the respect was not returned. Then over time, I have found that it is hard to continue to give respect to those in his family who don't return it. I have always been brought up that respect should be extended first. But, what happens if you encounter people on a regular basis that don't feel te same way. How do you maintain your resolve? I truly admire the work Jennifer is doing. I think she is making a difference in what these families knnow they can expect out of the healthcare system. I applaud her efforts to work with a community and include community workers within her healthcare clinic. I think that the community will benefit from their love and respect for many generations to come. I look forward to the next chapter and example of respect.
Katy's Response: Jacqueline, you make some excellent observations and insights about why giving and receiving respect is so hard. I agree that it has a lot to do with how we are raised and what is expected to us. The interesting thing is that people respond to the same expectations in different ways. It seems to me a common occurance to have children raised in the same house who are so different in all areas. The thing about people is that we are all individuals following our own course. No two people are the same and each is impacted by the same situation in different ways. There is not a right or wrong way to teach kids how to be respectful but kids determine how they respond to the teaching. Individaul differences and experiences are what makes education so hard as well. What works great for one kid, makes us fall flat on our face the next time. I absolutely agree that Jennifer does a great job of modeling respect and hopefully that has a huge impact on ALL of the people with whom she works. In response to respect being earned, Teresa, I agree with you that is should be given but that is not always easy to do. Often, I have encountered people who have no intention of returning the respect I am giving them and as Jacqueline said, it is hard to be the bigger person. The thing I always try to remember is that we never know what anyone has been through or what they are going through at that point in time. I try to never lose it but that is a huge challenge. I think you have a good point thought that who defines respect- every culture could have a different definition so how do we give respect to all? I enjoyed reading your thoughts ladies!
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